Tag: food science department

Ferrero Rocher Deemed Mystical Foodstuff by Mystical University of Glastonbury (When Arrayed as Pyramid)
Faced with the challenge of choosing the right food for this year’s Mystical Ball, the UK’s Mystical Ambassador, Sir Terry Prichardson, turned to the Food Science Department at the Mystical University of Glastonbury.
Sir Terry explained: “When I was appointed UK Mystical Ambassador, I moved the embassy to Glastonbury because of its superior travel connections and its position at a key intersection of the ethereal realm. As a result, the UK’s mystical embassy is the only embassy located within the UK—after all, with Glastonbury’s proximity to the astral plane, there’s no need to set up shop anywhere else. Only after opening the embassy did I realise how valuable the university’s research facilities would be to us.”
Sir Terry continued: “Obviously, there are the standard staples for a party at the Mystical Ambassador’s Lodge—Lembas and Kendal Mint Cake—but we felt it might be nice to add something a little more sugary. That’s when we happened upon the idea that Ferrero Rocher might do the trick. But the question was: are they mystical enough?”
Chair of Food Science at the Mystical University of Glastonbury, Gordon Qualm, explained: “We were delighted when the Mystical Ambassador approached us for guidance on Ferrero Rocher’s suitability as a mystical party food. Our research quickly showed that while they are entirely non-mystical in their retail packaging, if you arrange them in a pyramid on a suitable surface—such as a plate—they take on a surprisingly mystical quality, entirely appropriate for a classy mystical gathering. Our only stipulation was that the Mystical Embassy’s Diabetic Support Team be on hand at all times.”
January 24, 2013
Toast-making display is too realistic say Glastonbury mothers
You may wonder what could possibly be more family friendly than a display that charts the history of toast through the ages?
Since February 2011 Uther Henge has been thrilling visitors to St. Michael’s Tower on top of Glastonbury Tor with his lecture Toast, the Tor, Past Present and Future that leads visitors through the historical artefacts on display – a variety of gas and electrical toasters that have been used since 1912, and includes advice on modern toast-making techniques.
But it appears that mothers are reporting that their children are distressed by the section dealing with mystical foodstuffs.
Jenny from Glastonbury said; “The display is very informative. At last I understand why toast is depicted in the Glastonbury coat of arms. And since I learned the Uther Henge Flip I’ve enjoyed evenly browned toast every day. But while I was enjoying the lecture I hadn’t realised my son was looking at the interactive display that explains the mystical qualities of Welsh Rarebit. He hasn’t slept since, and panics every time I go near the grill.”
Uther Henge has promised to remove the Welsh Rarebit display until it can be made more family friendly, explaining; “Really this display was aimed more at people who want to be students in the mystical food science department of the Mystical University of Glastonbury, so it focuses heavily on kitchen safety. The interactive display shows what can happen if you mistakenly include Mozzarella in your cheese mix – it can give your Welsh Rarebit qualities similar to napalm. We now realise that the scenes showing kitchen staff dousing one of their colleagues with fire extinguishers may not be suitable for all audiences.”
May 23, 2011
Monkey to head Glastonbury space project team in 2012
Scientists from the aeronautics department of the Mystical University of Glastonbury announced today that a human is unlikely to be launched into space next year on the maiden voyage of the new Astral class rocket. The rocket will launch from the Summerland Meadows in full view of an audience on Glastonbury Tor.
Instead of a human payload, Jeremy, a pig-tailed macaque trained since birth to step in as backup will head the space flight – the opportunity of a lifetime for this proud monkey. Monkeys are very popular on space flights because they respond well in an emergency, and with just a little adjustment can wear clothing that has been designed for humans.
Speaking through a translator, Jeremy was keen to let his audience know how happy he is; “I am very happy… this is a great honour and I am very proud… we have been training a lot… our diet of Kelloggs Fruit ‘n Fibre cereal, fresh fruit and Waitrose vegetarian lasagna has been particularly enjoyable.” These last comments were achieved by pointing to the sponsor logos on his jumpsuit and screaming excitedly.
Although many students at the Mystical University of Glastonbury have been training extensively in the hope of a place in the first UK manned space launch, there are now several sad faces. Chief Rocket Engineer Gordon McStevens explained why the university has made this tough decision; “The Mystical University of Glastonbury has the highest level of fees of any university in England because of the huge cost of the Astral space program. But recently other departments have started to become jealous of our share of the budget. The decision was taken this week to install a new oven in the Food Science department, and the money had to come from somewhere.”
Tarquin Bonham-Smythe, a student who until now was expected to participate on the space flight could not hide his disappointment; “I’m actually studying mystical food science here at the university so I shouldn’t complain, but I was hoping to take a place on the 2012 space launch. Obviously Jeremy is a great guy, very popular with the students and we all wish him the best of luck.”
May 19, 2011