Glastonbury Tor

Tag: Glastonbury town council B

  • Glastonbury Tor might end up Twinchester Mountain

    Changes are afoot for the National Trust who may have to reprint thousands of leaflets and guidebooks later this year following the award by GIPN of mountain status for the tor.

    Glastonbury twinned with Twinchester for administrative purposes only

    But today, creating yet more uncertainty about the final name of the tor in 2011, Glastonbury town council B highlighted a legal loophole that may force the other half of the town run by town council A to change its name to Twinchester, the name of the town it twinned with for purely administrative purposes yesterday.

    Unfortunately for the National Trust, Glastonbury Tor is inside the half of the town run by town council A, who seem to have a less than full understanding of the European twinning system, and the intricacies introduced by these purely administrative twinning arrangements.

    Lord Mayor of Glastonbury The Rt Hon Lawrence McKnight has been trying to mediate between the two councils after town council B were not invited to a cocktail party held by town council A yesterday where they were building stronger trade links with Twinchester.

    A spokeswoman for town council A said at a press briefing today; “we think council B might have gained access to our offices while we were celebrating the new links with Twinchester yesterday, because it seems their legal eagles have been working through the fine print of the twinning agreement we signed with Twinchester and found a condition that we didn’t notice. Under certain circumstances, such as paying bills late, one twinned town can claim ownership of certain rights and liberties enjoyed by the other. In this case, it seems that Twinchester might own the name Glastonbury, and have the right to change it to something else. Sorry, this is all too much for me, I have a frightful headache from that last bottle of Grenadine, has anyone got an aspirin?”

    The Lord Mayor had the final word; “Look, I’m not having some accountancy firm in Kent changing the name of half of this fine town from Glastonbury to Twinchester. It’s a silly name. We have been named Glastonbury for hundreds of years, and who is going to pay for reprinting all the maps and repainting all the signs? Certainly not the accountant, the bill will end up with the taxpayer, that’s who!”

  • Keep off the grass signs infuriate visitors and Glastonbury Signwriters Guild

    The sudden appearance of Keep Off The Grass signs all over Glastonbury Tor has caused an outcry.  But some people are not just complaining about the reduction in picnic space – a pressure group from the Glastonbury Signwriters Guild has also been fighting their cause.

    Spokesman Master Craftsman Cyrus Chuldfield announced today; “our complaint isn’t so much about having to keep off the grass. Members of the guild are working round the clock at the moment repainting the town’s signs to read Glastonbury twinned with Glastonbury so we’re not getting out much. The problem we have is that these new signs were made by the National Trust outside of Glastonbury. For hundreds of years the local bylaws have said you need a signwriting license to make and sell signs in Glastonbury. Signwriting license application forms are available at the reception desk at Glastonbury town council B”.

    But Uther Henge, the chief mystical consultant for the National Trust stationed permanently at their gift shop at Glastonbury Tor was keen to defend the Trust; “This was just the standard shipment of a thousand hand-painted signs that every National Trust property receives each year from head office. Over the weekend we managed to put up all five hundred Keep Off The Grass signs, but we still have to put up three hundred Private – Keep Out signs, and fifty Form An Orderly Queue signs. The Glastonbury Signwriters Guild need to realise that if we sourced all of our signs locally we would have to charge over £100 per person for admission to the Tor. We still get guild members to paint many of our signs, so I think it’s a bit rich them complaining. For example, last week we ordered a hundred locally hand painted signs saying Wipe Your Feet You Urchin”.

  • £70m saved as Glastonbury twins with itself

    Following the discovery of a loophole in the European twin town system, the Lord Mayor of Glastonbury The Rt Hon Lawrence McKnight announced today that plans to twin Glastonbury with Langenlonsheim in Germany have been scrapped, and instead the town will twin with itself.

    At a press conference this morning on the edge of the A39 into Glastonbury the Lord Mayor unveiled the new sign that now says Glastonbury twinned with Glastonbury, much to the delight of the Glastonbury Signwriters Guild whose members have been tasked with repainting all of the signs around the town.

    The Lord Mayor was keen to draw attention to the huge savings the council will make over the next few years; “The cost of flying the whole town council for pleasure trips at public expense to Germany every three months was going to be crippling. We will still be making visits to our sister town but we have achieved this in a very creative way, by dividing the town council in two and then inviting each other over for cheese and wine parties, where we strengthen trade and community links.”

    In other news, the Somerset Cheese Federation announced the biggest order in their history from Glastonbury town council B today, for £1m of ready-cut cheese cubes, and Glastonbury Toothpick and Pineapple Chunks PLC saw a 30% boost in share value as trading started on the London Stock Exchange.