Glastonbury Tor

Tag: lembas

  • Ferrero Rocher Deemed Mystical Foodstuff by Mystical University of Glastonbury (When Arrayed as Pyramid)

    Faced with the challenge of choosing the right food for this year’s Mystical Ball, the UK’s Mystical Ambassador, Sir Terry Prichardson, turned to the Food Science Department at the Mystical University of Glastonbury.

    Ferrero Rocher in non-mystical form

    Sir Terry explained: “When I was appointed UK Mystical Ambassador, I moved the embassy to Glastonbury because of its superior travel connections and its position at a key intersection of the ethereal realm. As a result, the UK’s mystical embassy is the only embassy located within the UK—after all, with Glastonbury’s proximity to the astral plane, there’s no need to set up shop anywhere else. Only after opening the embassy did I realise how valuable the university’s research facilities would be to us.”

    Sir Terry continued: “Obviously, there are the standard staples for a party at the Mystical Ambassador’s Lodge—Lembas and Kendal Mint Cake—but we felt it might be nice to add something a little more sugary. That’s when we happened upon the idea that Ferrero Rocher might do the trick. But the question was: are they mystical enough?”

    Chair of Food Science at the Mystical University of Glastonbury, Gordon Qualm, explained: “We were delighted when the Mystical Ambassador approached us for guidance on Ferrero Rocher’s suitability as a mystical party food. Our research quickly showed that while they are entirely non-mystical in their retail packaging, if you arrange them in a pyramid on a suitable surface—such as a plate—they take on a surprisingly mystical quality, entirely appropriate for a classy mystical gathering. Our only stipulation was that the Mystical Embassy’s Diabetic Support Team be on hand at all times.”

  • Half of Glastonbury May Receive Extra Purple Recycling Bins

    Research by the Quantum Disentanglement Team at Glastonbury Town Council B‘s waste management service has revealed a new insight into cost savings that can be achieved by adding an extra purple bin to the townsfolk’s current brace of bins.

    Head of the Quantum Disentanglement team Dominic McQualude, explains:

    “Our team was established by Councillor Gerald Watkins before his unfortunate accident to help improve the way we categorise and sort waste in Glastonbury. Councillor Watkins was elected on the promise of enhancing waste managed in the town, and he quickly realised that our waste profile differs significantly from other towns due to our more mystical nature.”

    McQualude continues:

    “Building on our team’s early successes such as using séances to determine the most efficient routes for bin lorries, we discovered that the simple addition of a tenth purple bin would allow us to transition to a bi-weekly collection rota.”

    New bin colours:

    • Brown – Paper and Cardboard
    • Pink – Hard Plastics
    • Orange – Soft Plastics
    • Grey – Metals
    • White – Glass
    • Green – Organic Waste
    • Blue – Electronic Waste
    • Cameron of Erracht Tartan – Textiles
    • Campbell of Argyll Tartan – Bricks and Ceramics
    • Purple – Mystical waste

    Expected items for purple bins:

    • Expended mystical birthstones
    • Metal detectors (a surprisingly large number of these are discarded due to Glastonbury Tor’s solid iron core)
    • Full dream catchers
    • Old druidic cloaks
    • Expired Lembas
    • Demonically possessed items (not exceeding 150 cm in length)

    When asked about future innovations from the Quantum Disentanglement Team, McQualude responded:

    “The main challenge we’re working on is that the Cameron and Campbell tartans are virtually indistinguishable for our fast-moving bin lorries and the people in our sorting teams currently spend most of their time separating mystical clothing from mystical ceramics so we hope the purple bins will put paid to that. To be honest, most of our team’s time is spent counting things and it seems likely that when we’ve optimised mystical waste collection this will no longer be necessary so most of us will be reassigned to other mystical science challenges within the council.”